Anais Nin: You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe you are living. Then you read a book… or you take a trip… and you discover that you are not living, that you are hibernating. The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness. The second symptom (when hibernating becomes dangerous and might degenerate into death): absence of pleasure. That is all. It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom, death. Millions live like this (or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices. They drive a car. They picnic with their families. They raise children. And then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death. Some never awaken.


Take Back the Crap Month

April: No Bullshit Month, My Birthday [April 9], National Poetry Month

Yep. You heard it right. I'm starting a new month-long observance.

"No Bullshit Month" is a whole month dedicated to reducing the amount of crap you put in your life, the amount of lies you keep up, and old baggage you have in your mind and psyche. Basically, it's a mental spring cleaning.

 So to kick this off, I'm going to post mental exercises every week until May 1.


20 People Who don't know who they are.....

Ok. Grab a sheet of paper, start a blank word document, or flip to a new page in your diary.

Number the page 1-20

Think of 2o people in your life {anyone}

For each person, write down something you wish you could tell them to their face no matter what it is

 Here's the catch.... you cant write down anyones name.... you can only use adjectives

Example: (im doing 5 people)

1. i really don't like sharing a room with you because you are fucking up your life and the space you occupy is kind of hazardous to my health.

2. Girl, you know i love and worship you, but i think that you, just like me and her, decided to keep our relationships despite the fact that we know they are damaging and toxic. We did it because we are still in love with them, the people who they used to be before the shit hit the fan. it's ok. We all are dealing with shit that no woman should have to put up with, yet we see something inside of each of them that deserves second chance. Bleeding Out the evil is what were telling ourselves were doing. Whether or not its true, this thing me made ourselves believe, we should not be the same women from before. We should not have to sacrifice our frame of mind, the connection between our head and our hearts. Whatever you do, imma be here, just dont close the door like you did the first time.

3. theres so much i want to say to you. Filling this space wont help me put all of my anxiety, faith, fear, and love into words.

4. there's so many things you're afraid of right now. its ok. take it one second at a time. we've been through worse. its getting better, babe.

5. Peace.

Understand? This is interesting when a.) people find out who they are, b.) people find out who other people are yet manage to concur with what you said about them without knowing that you wrote the comment about them, and c.) if you manage to write one of these lets say, twice a year, you forget who you wrote some of the comments to.


CurrentTV video of the Month: "Bow Down to King Corn"

APRIL 25, 2008- What are you going to do to end the silence?

The National Day of Silence brings attention to anti-LGBT name-calling, bullying and harassment in schools. This year’s event will be held in memory of Lawrence King, a California 8th-grader who was shot and killed Feb. 12 by a classmate because of his sexual orientation and gender expression. Hundreds of thousands of students are expected to participate on April 25 so that Lawrence and the countless others who endure anti-LGBT bias will not be forgotten.

As a former member of The Gay-Straight Alliance in my old high school, i've been participating in this silent protest for 3 years, including this year. This is important to me, not because i'm gay or a supporter of the gay community,  but because me voice is one of my biggest assets. It is loud, often very clear, strong, passionate, understanding and as human as anyone else's. I chose to participate because I think that discrimination on any level of society, on any frame, side of humanity is indeed wrong, as it has been happening since the beginning of mankind. My involvement in The Day of Silence is out of love and respect  for those who have chosen to show their true colors to the world when so many find it hard to do so and exist in a lie.


From the or the privacy of your own home..

This picture was taken in my school...i've sat in that bathroom...but it wasn't me!!!

Doug Rice, player for Detroit's Premier soccer team, Ignition, is self -publishing a book called FROM THE STALL and I'm the writing on behalf of The South End newspaper of Wayne State University.....
Im pretty sure you can relate to the random-ness of what's being published in what Doug describes as, "a coffee table or bathroom reading-material book full of public restroom graffiti taken from mostly Michigan universities"


Second Chances: Part Two

Some people deserve second chances. But not everyone.. everybody isn't worth the labor.

It is an honest mistake to trust someone again after you give them a second chance. But the pain that comes after they hurt you again is indeed a stab in the back. It hurts far worse than you thought it would. It hurts far worse because the only person you feel you have to blame is yourself.

That's why you have to really be careful about how you give out your limited supply of second chances to. It SHOULD be a painstaking decision, because you are gambling with that persons fate in your life.  You are gambling with your fate as an intelligent, decision-making person who deserves far more(positive/negative, ... you decide) than what you are receiving. 

That is why I'm stressing the decisions you make, reader. I care despite the fact that I don't even know you, have never seen your face, and probably will never ever see you in my lifetime. I am going through the same thing. I am writing this as it is being experienced, as the shit hits the fan and as I try to figure out who I am. 

As for the questions that you should be asking yourself to examine your situation, well, I really don't even know what I want to ask myself. So you won't get any. Yep, were going to figure this out together... 

As a side note, I'd like to point out that you should consider your role in everyone else's life.

What makes you think that YOU of all people deserve a second chance to someone else? 



Weird Tree---->

 This really makes me value being a woman...
but part of this has most likely been edited and "photoshopped" in


Second Chances

Am I really the woman whose worth is determined by the number of second chances she gives to herself? her lovers? her friends, family and mistakes? 

A mistake is a second chance at reinventing yourself. It is a second chance at trusting your humanity. It is forgiveness of the highest caliber.
~Raven Martin

If you know me as a person, then I really, before this moment, never wanted nor considered giving anyone a second chance. I've done it for myself plenty of times. I've forgiven myself for making mistakes that shouldn't have been done. And I've also punished myself for failing at something and have resulted to trying it again, against my will, because there was no other way to resolve the problem. As much as I say I'm really hard on myself, I really forgive myself a lot as well. I am more forgiving of myself than other people most of the time, which is a fact-of-life for everyone. (Or at least at some point in their life) 

However,  forgiving other people is something that should be done because you know that you cannot control that person and their humanity, that is to say the fact that they are human beings - prone to error.
It took me a long time to figure this out.  I never wanted to give anyone a second chance before because I really have never liked the idea of someone hurting me and then giving them a second chance, what? So they can do it again? 

Now, I've weighed my options. I've come to a point in my life when I've realized that SOME, not all, deserve second chances. Some people do not live lives destined to fail into a heap of rubbish. Some people are the product of mistakes, inevitable occurrences that define our entire life's worth-depending on how we deal with it. 

 Who do you trust with your limited supply of second chances?

That decision is best for you to decide on, reader. Me, I've decided to consider giving my ex a second chance, only because I feel like there were a lot of things that we could work on without abandoning what we had. I also think that I was part of the reason why we had communication issues. (Talk about changing yourself for the better...

But as I start to think about what that second chance includes, a greater question arrests all thoughts of  the future,  what if that person's life is better off without mine in the mix of their everyday burdens?...

Expect me to elaborate with in the next post... for now, Think about who deserves a Second Chance in your life and who doesn't.