“I disregard the proportions, the measures, the tempo of the ordinary world. I refuse to live in the ordinary world as ordinary women. To enter ordinary relationships. I want ecstasy. I am a neurotic -- in the sense that I live in my world. I will not adjust myself to the world. I am adjusted to myself.”
Anaïs Nin
Anais Nin:
You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe you are living. Then you read a book… or you take a trip… and you discover that you are not living, that you are hibernating. The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness. The second symptom (when hibernating becomes dangerous and might degenerate into death): absence of pleasure. That is all. It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom, death. Millions live like this (or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices. They drive a car. They picnic with their families. They raise children. And then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death. Some never awaken.
I'm sitting here teeming with a now dissapated anger and frustration. With an overwhelmingly obsessive need to change the situations in my life.
No. I haven't been angry for the past couple of days but I've sure as hell been trying to escape shit that can't be escaped. I've been trying to evade something i haven't been able to put my finger on. Perhaps it's my imagination, but I'm better off thinking that it's worse than it is.
The situations are all different.
My work circumstance: feeling like I'm slowly falling. It feels like when you have to pee really really bad, but you're so far from the toilet, you think you're going to die before you sit down.
School: I can understand the fact that everyone at some point or another hates school or they may question their wanting to keep their major, but that eventually fades. I really have never liked my major. I've never expressed any want or need to stay in journalism. I've always wanted to be an artist..to be happy with a career that satisfies me, one that makes ends meet and often overlap. I am an artist at heart. Being in journalism sounds like something that is destined to keep me tired and stressed and unhappy, simply because that is what it does now. Besides, why should I settle? We were not made to settle. AND I probably won't be able to find a job as a journalist anyhow.
Home: I want to move. PERIOD. END OF STORY. Did I mention the fact that I have no sanctuary? This is a problem for me. All of these other issues would be easier to manage if I had a sanctuary. A place to bunker down in. A place for my soul to rest. Until I find one. It will feel like i'm being kept near a shroud or something as dramatic..
Upcoming interviews for February and March feature :
Paige Fraser and AmandaDiva
Paige Fraser
(Click the image for a link to Paige Unlimited, the production company Fraser's parents created for up and coming artists and writers.)
An up and coming future ballerina with the wits and talent to trounce the racist and segregated issues plaguing the performing arts world of today. I learned something when she said that minority students were more likely to get accepted in a modern dance or jazz gig than ballet, even if they were far more talented than anyone on the try-out roster. Sounds a little bit familiar doesn't it? Well, she also added that her white counterparts who look for a little bit of range on their resume, are finding it hard to get into any of the modern dance or jazz gigs or programs and are being pushed towards the ballet programs... This is Disgusting. I guess we still have a LONG ASS WAY TO GO....
Amanda Diva
Miss "Neon" herself. Multi-talented and multi-faceted artist and host of Diva Speak TV. Catch her biographical video at the bottom
MySpace Music Acquires Shuttered Imeem Music Service By Eliot Van Buskirk December 8, 2009 | 1:53 pm | Categories: Crowdsourcing, Media, Miscellaneous, Social Media, Startups
In the minutes following MySpace Music's announcement, imeem.com failed to load. MySpace Music, a joint venture between MySpace and the major labels, completed a deal to acquire “certain assets” of the popular social networking site Imeem on Tuesday. Imeem is now offline. Various reports claimed the deal was done over the weekend, but MySpace Music CEO Owen Van Natta announced that the two companies only finalized the deal today.
So, what does MySpace Music have in store for imeem? According to Van Natta, MySpace Music plans to “leverage imeem’s industry leading technology” for starters, and “over time, meaningfully integrate their products into the MySpace Music
Yada yada yada....So what happened to my music?
It seems that at that moment, I would have to wait until these bastards upload all of my music playlists onto MySpace music, which didn't sound good at all. So, I waited until today, only to find out that the songs that I missed most of all, were nowhere to be found on the priceless and expertly choreographed playlists I'd designed sometime early 2009. So, that means that the only song I actually cared to hear from the fragmented portions of my Imeem account was no longer available. And I know what you're thinking reader.
Maybe find it somewhere. That it really can't be all bad.
No. You're wrong.
The singular version of Serenade Melancolique by Tchikovsky that is, in fact, the most perfect version of the song I'd ever heard in my 20+ years of life, was not available on MySpace Music. IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO RESTORE THE WHOLE THING, THEN WHY TRY AT ALL???
I mean seriously!!!
Oh!!! To make matters worse...the versions of songs that they did manage to restore weren't the correct versions of the song I had in my playlist. They were shoddy generic and amateuristic versions of such songs like I'm Glad There is You by Sarah Vaughan sung by some too-sharp singing ass mediocre and vocally decadent white lady with no kind of soul at all. "Moon" by Sia had been replaced by a poorly edited remixed and sped up version of the song. Stuff like that..pisses me off. I'm heartbroken, reader. Will I ever find that same perfect, lilting, sensual, charismatic and youthful version of Serenade Melacolique? What hurts the most is that I know...deep down... I probably won't...
These shoes aren't available anymore. I contacted the store to see how much these were and if they had my size and they weren't available because they are preparing for Spring /Summer 2010...I better be able to get those shoes...
My 21st Birthday Trip
It's been recommended that I go to Las Vegas for the Big Two-One...I don't know where I want to go yet but whatever I do...Wherever I go, It has to be BIG.
What are your expectations for this upcoming year?
I'm curious. It's just that I really entered the new year in a rut. (Not like that is surprising.)
I don't know what I want. I think I entered the year with no expectations. Simply because too many people let me down last year and I'm tired of being disappointed.
So 2010 we're going to best friends.
Why?
Because I am not going to expect anything from you. I'm just going to roll with the punches.
Mood: Calm, despite the cacophony of inner voices I hear screaming in the eve of all of my finals and major events Eyeshadow:None Fragrance:Karamela by mark. Cosmetics Anxious about…:Getting these boxes for the event | Working with jessica Care moore in 2010 | quitting mark. | Getting back to photography | Finding an apartment | Having my own space Happy about…: End of semester! Blush:The bitter, Michigan wind biting on my face Nails: Chipped-off almost gone Sephora in "Merengue" Morning drink: Water Song of the day: Aruarian Dance by Nujabees and Fat Jon from Samurai Champloo Goals for the week: Do my HAIR!! I've been walking around like this all week!
I don't think I can fully extrapolate on my personality in this tiny square, but here are some adjectives that come to mind when I think about myself: Balanced, Shy, Funny, Attractive, Vivacious, Loving, Sweet, Supportive, Dependable, Honest, REAL, Protective, Introverted, Extroverted, Outgoing, Warmhearted...
The poet Stephen Mallarme wrote the following in a letter to a friend: "I don't know which of my internal climates I should explore in order to find you and meet you." I love that passage. It alludes to one of the central facts about the nature of reality: The quality of your consciousness is crucial in determining whether you'll be able to attract the resources that are essential to your dreams coming true. In order to get what you want, you have to work on yourself at least as hard as you work on the world around you. This is always true, of course, but it's especially true for you now, Aries.
