Anais Nin: You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe you are living. Then you read a book… or you take a trip… and you discover that you are not living, that you are hibernating. The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness. The second symptom (when hibernating becomes dangerous and might degenerate into death): absence of pleasure. That is all. It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom, death. Millions live like this (or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices. They drive a car. They picnic with their families. They raise children. And then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death. Some never awaken.


I'm the example now... Denying Yourself...."The Experiment"

I'm fresh out of an exhausting 2.5 year relationship. Im winded, just got over a massive tear-induced headache, and sat through rounds and rounds of advice-friendly girlfriends. I just need something new, something refreshing and a chance to reinvent... me.
 (By the way, although this should not be my motivation, about +3% of the reason why I'm doing this is because I'm NOT going to be the same girl my ex used to date. I refuse to not let people see me change for the better because of this. The other 97% is because I really need CHANGE. and I'm going to do this for ME AND ONLY ME.) 
This is my opportunity. Im going to  Work on a fresh canvas. Write on a clean slate. Or better yet, go on a spiritual journey.
So, in order to further... I guess you could say edit and better my philosophical musings on Denying Yourself, Im going to conduct an experiment. 
So, what do I work on? 
Spiritual wellness?
Normally, I would say tackle the easiest thing first, but in order to better one's life and learn from this and also embed what one learns from this experiment into their psyche, the harder thing to change about yourself requires primary attention. But that depends on what you need to change... so

When you want to conduct a mini experiment of your own, figure out what order your imperfections need to be tackled in.

Me? I'm deciding to change my emotions. 
Im not an emotional wreck, but I'm an angry, fiery, hot ball of lividness and hatred. (You should have seen me when I was dealing with the break up)

I really would like to stop being so angry and calm down more. What im going to do will be hard and will require more will-power than I think I can manage in such a short amount of time but it will be worth it in the end.

 I'm going to work-out more...
Not only does doing this relieve stress, but I will be less prone to exert my feelings in bad ways. Im going to be a happier person, and my body will help me.
   letting go of some emotional baggage will help me, and it will teach me how to do it faster and easier. but that really depends on what it is. (This works for me because I've been teaching myself to let go, for years.) 

For example, the piece of shit i just broke up with, put me in an angry mood....OK I'm not going to lie. I WAS LIVID. I almost punched a hole in the wall of a friends room, which she will have to pay for later if i did do it. Nevertheless, i was piiiiiiised. So what I did, and am still, waking up with a smile on my face. 
I told myself that I was not the person who was wrong and i just relished on the fact that KARMA IS A BITCH   ;-)))

Any-who, im just living life thinking of myself and not someone who lied to me about their entire existence.  Im living my moments in appreciation for all that i have and enjoy what blessings are being thrown my way with each passing moment. Im having a private party every morning. Feeling the pain is not something that makes my new adventure, journey, metamorphasis uneventful and boring. Im going to learn from this by feeling the pain and not make the same mistakes again.

(by the way im developing a nervous tick thingie, that is becoming a problem, im biting my lip. I've been doing it since all this shit with him started and now i have a scar on it. YEAH , LETS FIX THAT TOO)

just breathe....let go...let flow...breathing is so good for me because i can just lower my blood pressure and everything will be alright.


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