Anais Nin: You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe you are living. Then you read a book… or you take a trip… and you discover that you are not living, that you are hibernating. The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness. The second symptom (when hibernating becomes dangerous and might degenerate into death): absence of pleasure. That is all. It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom, death. Millions live like this (or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices. They drive a car. They picnic with their families. They raise children. And then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death. Some never awaken.



5:59 p.m., December 31, 2008
New Year's Eve

So, I'm sitting here doing nothing. I'm kind of pissed off because I really would like to go to a party somewhere as opposed to being at home, the place where I'm least comfortable. The person I want to go out with is nowhere to be found. The party I was supposed to go to didn't happen and nothing is looking bright right now. 
Last New Year's Eve I was sitting on the couch, staring at my parents snore while the clock struck 12 a.m. DEPRESSING. VERY DEPRESSING.  The house was quiet as fuck and the only thing I could hear was the quiet roar of the "Times Square Countdown with Ryan Seacrest." I looked around and started crying. YES, I WAS CRYING. Why? 
Because this social life I claim is not fulfilling. There are not a lot of things that don't fulfill me right now. Yeah, just going out with people who share the same likes as me is an option but I find myself being the only person I know who is trustworthy.  And that doesn't mean I'm not trying to do anything about it. UGH!! I need a car and a license, but then where would I be? Out by myself...... a young lady, out by herself at night in the big city... terrible things are bound to happen. 
Please don't say "Make New Friends". That shit never works. 

6:15 p.m.

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