Without...but I guess I'm blessed for now.

I'm sitting here teeming with a now dissapated anger and frustration. With an overwhelmingly obsessive need to change the situations in my life.

No. I haven't been angry for the past couple of days but I've sure as hell been trying to escape shit that can't be escaped. I've been trying to evade something i haven't been able to put my finger on. Perhaps it's my imagination, but I'm better off thinking that it's worse than it is.

The situations are all different.

My work circumstance: feeling like I'm slowly falling. It feels like when you have to pee really really bad, but you're so far from the toilet, you think you're going to die before you sit down.

School: I can understand the fact that everyone at some point or another hates school or they may question their wanting to keep their major, but that eventually fades. I really have never liked my major. I've never expressed any want or need to stay in journalism. I've always wanted to be an artist..to be happy with a career that satisfies me, one that makes ends meet and often overlap. I am an artist at heart. Being in journalism sounds like something that is destined to keep me tired and stressed and unhappy, simply because that is what it does now. Besides, why should I settle? We were not made to settle. AND I probably won't be able to find a job as a journalist anyhow.

Home: I want to move. PERIOD. END OF STORY. Did I mention the fact that I have no sanctuary? This is a problem for me. All of these other issues would be easier to manage if I had a sanctuary. A place to bunker down in. A place for my soul to rest. Until I find one. It will feel like i'm being kept near a shroud or something as dramatic..

Video of the Month: In Love With Another Man.

Wow. This LITERALLY brought tears to my eyes. Wonderfully directed. This was the perfect choice - to make it into a short film instead of a regular video.

Sh!# I Heard That Made Me Mad

O.K. So "THE DJ" had a couple of career goals which included getting the proper training to be a bartender, learning 2 more languages, and getting a very useful Michigan cosmetology license.

But yeah...so much for that shit...

Full-Timers Applying to Beauty School For Back-Up

...An increasing number of full-time workers are enrolling in cosmetology programs to serve as a back-up plan in the uncertain economy or to gain skills for a second career to bring in additional income.
According to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics estimates for growth in the field during the next several years, it seems like a smart option for some people — between 2006 and 2016, the personal appearance field will grow an estimated 14 percent. Cosmetology does have its costs, though: the average tuition is $6,000 to $10,000, with some schools charging up to $20,000, and starting out as a stylist is hardly a simple endeavor....

Source: Getty

See..why is it that everything I've been wanting to do, everything i've been preparing my waking hours for, everything I've been busting my ass for, is becoming so trendy for other people?

First, it was The Devil Wears Prada movie. I was really excited because I'd read the book already and couldn't wait to see the editrix that was Miranda Priestly in real life. But I was also saddened because I knew that the movie would glamorize a position I was intended to compete for. The position I am spending over $9k a year in an expensive ass school that I hate! to prepare for. WHY?!!

Then to make matters worse, all of these fucking spin-off shows, Stylista(FASHION EDITORIAL POSITION), "Blush: The Search for the Next Great Make-Up Artist"(MAKE-UP),"The Shot (PHOTOGRAPHY) and even the ever-so popular America's Next Top Model glamorize the industry I am trying to pursue.

Nothing I am doing is original. I need to figure out how I can be original, because this whole - I'm choosing opportunities that everyone is about to become or is already interested in/going to school for - is not working. I am not the typ e of person that follows. I don't follow trends. I don't follow. I lead. I create. I am unique.

Maybe I just need to find something else....

I feel like early pirates when they realized that their need to be free was being eclipsed by the closing in of the corners of the map, No longer square like people prophesized. The forbidden and unknown areas of the world being filled in on the then recent (15th-16th century) wall maps of conquistadors and world trading companies.

what am i supposed to do?

Don't think for one second that, "Oh! You will be fine." Or "Oh! There's opportunity out there!"

This isn't medicine, where jobs are ALWAYS NEEDED no matter what level. this isn't mechanical engineering or environmental studies or gaming technology. i'm talking about shit i'm actually interested in. shit that comes naturally for me.

Then the realization that I am not alone sinks in...

What I'm Wearing....hopefully (Part 1)

middle-post update

The Apartment came first.

I hastily secured an off-campus one bedroom apartment for a VERY affordable price. Now, I won't have to worry about those damned dorm rooms and having to worry about someone else's pubic hair on the shower floor, who used the last of the toilet paper, horrible, horrible cafeteria food my parents paid WAYYY too much food for it to be wasted and to be as disgusting as it is, and loud neighbors who always! reliably start having loud, obnoxious sex with their boyfriend/girlfriend at the same exact 3-hour interval every night and then start to fight into the wee hours of the morning.

But because I have this apartment, will I be able to take my trip to NYC? Apartments cost money. So does traveling. Damn......

WILL "The DJ" be able to go to NYC at the end of August?

OR will a monkey wrench be thrown into what could turn out to be the best thing that's happened to her all summer?

What will happen to her and the new chapter in her life a she prepares to move into her new apartment?

The answer to all of these questions and more when you tune in next time to:

What I'm Wearing..... Hopefully

!!!!PART 2!!!!

What I'm Wearing....hopefully

So D.A.M. Magazine (You know, the magazine I write for?) is throwing a fashion show in August in Times Square...Yes, that mean's this place

Le Facade, D.A.M. Magazine's fashion show, will feature designs by fashion designers, Sohung Designs and ODP Couture. Yours truly has had the pleasure of interviewing them personally. Sooooo... since I'm currently the fashion section's feature writer, It would be nice of me to come since I've never actually met the people I've been writing for these past (Nov..dec..jan...feb....) eight months.

Did You Know?.....DJ CagedBird has never been to New York.

WHAAAAT?!!!!

::Looks Around::

shhhh!!

I know! I know! Don't get your panties all in a bunch!!

No, I've never been. Although, sometimes, I think that's why I didn't get that coveted mark. College Program Internship position. I mean my interview was virtually flawless except for when I gave her the " 'Oh No She Didn't!' Forbidden Answer" to the Top Most Sacred of Fashionista Questions: Have you ever been to New York?

My answer: "Uh...well no I haven't.....b-b-but I am VERY GOOD with directions and getting around the city will most definitely not be a problem." (It wasn't exactly a lie.)

Enough of your judgemental eyes! Anyway I am going to need to grace the big apple with my presence in top form and fabulosity, which means I will need to go shopping. And no, not a regular, "I don't know what I'm looking for" shopping trip. It has to be THE SHOPPING TRIP TO TOP ALL SHOPPING TRIPS.

[Epic music starts to play]

[Birds start to fly off]

My dad suggested that I arrive a few days early to go shopping which is a smart idea, but I need money. Another thing is, where am I going to get this money? I live in the WORST STATE in the country. I have been trying to find a job for the past 4 years. I absolutely HATE depending on other people for money, which is why my main goal for the trip was for it to be funded entirely from my own hard earned money( Which you bet your sweet ass I was going to bust my butt for)... But it seems the heavens have something on the contrary planned for me as my tireless efforts to find a job have been trounced by constant reporting of the national unemployment rate which is currently 9.4%, and in Michigan the current rate is 12.9%. You tell me the chance that I will be able to find a job.

Don't even get me started on my search for an apartment, which comes a mighty close ass second to the job search goal.

Anyways....

I need to start thinking about what I'm going to wear to the fashion show. Recently, I've been looking through the pages of fashion magazines and fashion books to compose a set of ideal looks I want to incorporate into my wardrobe. Most of these clothes will be new. Some of them will follow trends. Others may not.

That also means I will need to find some money to buy these clothes. ::sigh:: amid frantically searching for a new apartment.

You know...

It's times like this when people tell me I'm trying to do too much. I just ignore those people. I have too much living to do in life.

This concludes Part One of this four part blog post.

Coming Soon to (hopefully) an Apple Computer near you:

Can DJ_CagedBird resolve all of her problems before her anticipated trip to N.Y.C.? Or will all of her hopes and wished be trounced?

Which will she find first? An Apartment or A Job?

Will she be able to pull it off?

Catch the answer to these questions and more when you tune in next time to

"What I'm Wearing... hopefully"

What I'm Wearing.....

(image via boysandclothes.com)
...when i get the proper funds to purchase these "WORK IT BITCH" boots.... you will see what a real DIVA is....for only $825..

Giuseppe Zanotti had me in mind when these were crafted.

A Lot of what I want to say...

|One|

I listened to my horoscope on Comcast On Demand this afternoon.

Susan Miller(Click on the name to read what I was told)told me that this upcoming week was going to be big for moving, family and real estate - which is what I was looking for.

I've been looking for one since I started packing up my things to move out of the funky ass Towers Residential Suites in May.

Lord KNOWS I wasn't going to move back into that triflin' shit they call a dorm. So I decided to look for something I've always wanted to look for.

I need a space where I can just think, create, love, cook, walk around naked in and live in. I need a sanctuary.

I needed something to motivate me, which is why I looked up my horoscope. And for once, it worked. Thank the heavens...

|TWO|

Why is it that when I need a job, MILLIONS of other people are looking for them too?

PLEASE DONT GET ME WRONG. I am in no way selfish, or self-centered, and I do realize there are other people in this country - but why?

Maybe I am just at the tail-end of my patience. Or could it be the fact that I am just loosing hope. Maybe It's a combination of the two. It could be something else. I DON'T FUCKING KNOW.

But I'm REALLY loosing patience. I think it's because I can't stand the fact everything is not looking BRIGHTER.

I think I am falling underneath the weight of all the things I have placed on my shoulders. I think that I am really stressed and worried. I have so few days left to do what I want.

|Three|

I need something to set me back in the middle.

I don't know what that is.

A friend of mine suggested that It be sex....but then theres something keeping me from doing that. I'd love to. I just have an obstacle in the way.

Then she suggested a drunken night of story telling with the girls. I truly liked that idea...so I said "Yeah..."

But then she said "But is that something you really want to do?"

I felt like she peered right into the looking-glass that was my being and saw that I knew it wouldn't do anything for me. That I would be unsatisfied. That it would be very empty fun. So I said no, I really didn't want to.

She suggested that I go out and find someone...which wasn't exactly stupid as far as ideas go.

I just knew it wasn't possible for me to find the release im looking for in a relationship.

I thought back to this conversation and came to this question:

Realizing the quote that I have imprinted in my soul, "The real voyage to discovery lies not in the discovery of new landscapes, but in having new eyes." (Proust),

How exactly does one gain new eyes?

Deny yourself (Part One)

Deny yourself. It's not as simple as it sounds. Sometimes having a super-large ego is not the answer to all of your problems fresh out of high school, college, or anywhere for that matter.

Just what does that mean.....DENY YOURSELF?
Ever heard of a "leap of faith", or "stepping out on faith"? Have you ever heard someone say they were going to take a risk on something they were afraid to do simply because they did not know what would happen?

DENYING YOURSELF is 1) an unconventional approach to jumping into the world or society or a lifestyle not previously experienced; 2) forgetting any social norms, any inhibitions, any insecurities or any psychological, physical, or emotional barriers( no this is not something as simple as having a one night stand or getting a hair cut) before embarking on a journey or personal experience lasting for a considerable amount of time. (I MAY ADD MORE DEFINITIONS!)

Examples include:

~Traveling abroad by yourself or with a friend in the summer between years of college

(GREAT WAY TO FIND YOURSELF)

~ Moving to a different state.

~Quitting your JOB and going back to SCHOOL

The benefits of Denying Yourself varies. What you decide to do and the manner in which you carry out your plans have a profound impact on it's outcome. 

If you are considering doing something outside of the ordinary or DENYING YOURSELF

answer these questions truthfully before pushing the "GO" button:

Why do I want to do this?

What will I get out of this?

Are there any potential consequences that could occur as a result of this personal journey into the unknown?(Physical, mental, emotional, social)

How long will this take? Will I be able to stick it through?

How will this affect other people?